In both training and coaching, people come to me with goals. They want to get stronger. Leaner. Fitter. Faster. They want more energy, better sleep, less pain. They want to feel confident on the beach, or finish a 10k, or keep up with the kids. Sometimes they want to look great in a dress; sometimes they just want to stay out of hospital.

But whatever the surface goal may be, there is almost always a deeper need beneath it.

Someone might tell me they want to deadlift 300 pounds. But it is not really about the barbell. It is about pride. About self-trust. About proving something to themselves, or to someone else. And once we identify that deeper need, we unlock options. Because maybe that person gets injured. Maybe life throws them a curveball. If their only win was the 300-pound lift, they are left empty-handed. But if what they really wanted was to feel capable, confident, or proud, we can find other ways to get them there.

This is where coaching differs from training. In training, I might help you lift the weight. In coaching, I help you figure out why you wanted to lift it in the first place. What it really meant to you. What need it was meeting.

When physicality becomes part of someone's identity, whether that is through sport, aesthetics, movement, or self-sufficiency, it is powerful. But it can also become fragile. If our sense of self-worth is tightly tied to performance, what happens when we cannot perform? What happens when illness, injury, age, or circumstance force a change?

It does not just affect athletes. I have known people in their 70s and 80s who take enormous pride in being able to shovel snow or mow the lawn. Losing that capacity feels like losing a part of themselves. It is not vanity; it is identity.

This is why coaching matters. It gives us a chance to dig below the surface want, and uncover the foundational need. Once we name that need, we can start building resilience. Because needs can be met in more than one way.

Unless performance is an absolute priority, such as in competition, there is benefit to working toward becoming process-focused, rather than outcome-focused.

In fact, something I often notice is that once people start training regularly, they develop a deeper appreciation for the body they have, not just the one they aspire to. They stop waiting for perfect and start building a relationship with their strength, their movement, and their ability.

They gain agency.

That shift is powerful and protective.

It softens the blow when life does not go to plan.